The Term That Was

Hindi ako makapaniwala na tapos na rin FINALLY ang term na 'to.. But my journey towards a new life has just begun... Brand new start... Brand new life.. Siguro let me just put it in a way that I am reverting back to my old self who is just super workaholic.. Who cares too much about the world he is in... Siguro mas maganda un.. Kasi when Bench did not care bout all the 'boring important things' he never was seen as someone who enjoyed what he had.. especially.. ok stop it na.. hehe.. But now.. Bench thinks he should care about them.. Prioritize to what is really important.. Never give up.. Never get tired.. He has still but a long way to go...

Anyways brief recap lang ng mga nangyari ngaung term: (For me)

ACADEMICS

I started out with a 4.000 gpa.. and really became complacent about it.. Ever since I got that gpa.. all eyes were on me na sa class room.. I can't help but feel like I am being monitored.. That's why I never slacked off.. Until two BIG incidents changed it all..

Anyways.. Mya na ung first incident.. The second incident was brought about by the enemy of all this term... Cheating.. Ayoko na magpaliwanang sa lahat ng tao na di ko kailangan magcheat sa ChEnOr1 at CETherm kasi tutal.. tapos na ang term.. But the incidents in itself gave me emotional tortures.. I felt like everytime I am walking.. i have a sign taped on my back that says: 'I am a CRIMINAL'.. Wtf.. but then again as I have said.. The term is over... May mga bitter pa rin dahil 3.0 ako sa ChEnOr1 at CETherm dahil naniniwala sila na cheatingero ako.. oh well... papel...

I also experienced my first failures in quizzes as far as my LaSallian Life is concerned... First was in ElecOne.. where I managed to get a 4.0 pa... and the other one was in QuanMet... Madali lang sya technically if i just put my heart in it.. But i did not because I don't have it anymore... My spirit was lost after all the adversaries have shrouded my petty career as an excellent student of Chemical Engineering. Ayan tuloy.. the freakin subject gave me my first 2.5... Indi na ako 3+ guy... I have a 2.5 na and it sucks.. (pasenxa na if I am bitter about it.. alam ko other people are being rubbed off the wrong way by this comment but I hope they understand my dreams and aspirations in life... Kanya kanya lang yan..)

Anyways.. indi na mababalik lahat.. dahil tapos na.. Ang mahalaga.. indi ko hinayaan na tapak-tapakan basta basta ako ng mga taong natutuwa everytime I fall.. Alam nila whoever they are.. and I think they deserve a round of applause the last term cos they did really well.. Hahahaha!! But then again.. tapos na ang term... We all got what we deserve.. Di lang naman ako ang malungkot ngaung term eh.. pati ung bestfriend ko.. di ko na sasabhin kung bakit..

Basta ako ngaun magpapasalamat kay God dahil umabot ako sa First Honors Dean's List pa rin.. and I am still a regular..

TGPA: 3.417
CGPA: 3.750

LOVE LIFE

Hay naku euan ko ba kung bakit ko pa sinusulat ito.. basta... Ito kc yung first incident na I was pertaining to awhile ago.. This freaking concept of love has disoriented me.. In the most beautiful way I can't imagine.. What bothers me lang naman... What makes me say na masama ang loob ko ay dahil wala naman akong ginawa para ipaalam sa kanya yung nararamdaman ko.. Ako na nga yung lumayo tapos ako pa yung lumalabas na masama.. Moreso.. wala naman akong hiningi na something in return.. bakit ako ginaganito..? Bahala sya.. panget!

Masama rin pala yung magmahal ka ng sobra.. as in sobra sobra.. Lalo na kung sa simula't sapul... alam mo na walang patutunguhan.. Ngayon.. I am searching for my soul.. for my heart kasi they took it away from me... at di ko alam kung saan nya iniwan.. But I am slowly moving on for the better.. para sakin.. sa kanya.. sa lahat... Masaya na naman eh.. tama na un...:)

I have entertained other people.. pero no one would match the days we spent together.. siguro ang gusto ko lang sabhin sa kanya ganito.. and I pseudo-quote form Sweet November:
The reason I wanted to go away is because of the fact that what you will remember from then on would be the sweetest memories that we had.. If I know I am remembered that way.. I can face almost anything...

Sadly.. hindi ganun ung perception nya.. Kasi clueless naman sya all the while.. Isa lang masasabi ko.. Mahirap.. lalo na kung binago ng taong yon ung buhay mo as in 720 degrees pa.. tsk tsk... Pahinga muna yung heart ko.. may mga things pa akong mas kailangang iprioritize kaysa dun.. bahala sya bahala ako.. ang masaya.. may memories ako na maitatago.. kahit hanggang ten years or forever.. masasabi ko na mahal ko pa rin sya...

FRIENDSHIPS

Andaming life altering experiences in terms of friendships.. Una.. I strengthe my bonds with Jp and the rest of the girls in my life dahil sa isang concept na sa kanila ko lang naishare ever.. hehe.. At least I have frinds to keep for the rest of my life... May nawala rin akong kaibigan.. Pero di ko akalain na mapupunan din naman pala sa dulo ng term...

Natanggap ako sa LAmb and I am rebuilding myself there.. found great friends there whom I will trust na rin siguro in the long run.. good thing I found an outlet where I can be super workaholic sana... I am gonna do mny best tlga to keep my friends there in tact.. I mean family..:) In fairness ang saya ng Xmas party ha..

Ayun.. alam ko naman marami pa rin ang nagmamahal sa akin.. kaya naman blessed pa rin ako.. Nadagdagan pa nga kasi andtio na sina Kennevy, Bebe, at shempre andto pa rin si Ces... Inuman buddies.. and friendships for life.. Naging close din kami ni sis Jamie..:P na ayaw pa rin paaway sa pagtawag sa akin ng Benj:)


Pasko na naman.. di pa ako nakakabili ng mga regalo para sa iba.. hehehe.. Malamig pa rin ang pasko.. siguro dahil sa AC hehehe:) basta.. magyoyoga at magpapataba ako.. ung latter muna.. as for my New Year's Resolution... Next time ko ipopost.. Basta.. isa doon ang indi na pagyoyosi.. Sana.. hahaha:)

I Guess It's Over

I remember every moment of it.. every single step we took together.. when you weren't mine yet I feel you were so close... Yet today.. tonight.. I feel empty.. I feel the bleak feeling of loss.. emptiness.. shallow.. yet the cuts are the deepest i have ever felt...

Ngayon.. i am all alone.. i thought you can be with me.. in this journey.. but now... I am alone.. while you are with someone.. someone you call your own..

I don't need you.. Cos I you have hurt me so much.. tama na... I guess it's over.. Il take it slow.. bahala na si batman... i mean si joker.. I mean.. si Benson Fuentes... Thanks na lang sa life altering experience.. mwah.. hahaha

Wo Xi Huan He Pi Jiu

Is the rain finally over for me..? I don't know.. I have two more weeks to go through my life in my second term at dLsu.. I got in sa LAmb.. Met amazing people.. I think it is one of the things keeping me sane.. That I got in the organization...

Actually meron pang isang tao who keeps me believing I can get through anything... Kilala nina Loren.. nakita na nila.. Grabe.. nung Saturday lang.. after I took that stupid test in QuanMet.. I was sayng.. 'Who the f*ck is B___n?' Then ngaun.. I can't seem to end my day kung di kami nag-uusap.. Di ko pa naman sya like.. Kasi it's too soon to tell. And besides, I have said na rin.. na di muna ako magfafall for someone... tsaka may ineexclusively date sya ngaun noh.. Take it slow muna.. tsaka bahala na muna.. Aral na muna ako..

Here is where I stand this term (o yung mga nagmomonior jan sa akin.. chance niyo na to):

Quanmet- I need 120 to get a 3.5... Yes.. It's true.. At sa lagay na un.. indi talaga ako nag-eexcel.. grabe.. Sana makaya ko pa..

CeTherm- I need a 100 in the finals for a 4.0

ChEnOr- I need a 110 in the finals for a 4.0

ChEnCal- I need a 95 in the finals to assure my 4.0

ElecOne- I need a 92 in the finals for a .40

ChEMath- I need a 92 in the finals or a 4.0

Thsi term is really draining.. Maraming naging revelations.. Marming nagbago.. nagago.. At isa na ako 'don.. Que Cera Cera nga ba?! Indi.. I can shape my GPA.. it is not yet too late.. Pero kanina I just needed a beer... I hope ikaw na yung iniinay ko na ibibigay ni God.. Il make everything perfect.. Thanks for coming.. I hope you'd stay unlike.. ___t___...

The Challenge of Happiness

Grabe I had my seminar with my fellow Metrobank scholars and IT WAS A BLAST... sayang indi ako nakapagdala ng cam to take photographs of the event... Marami na akong new found friends with dahil parepareho kami ng nasa isip.. ang mangulet at mangulet.. at mag-aral.. hahaha

Ang saya-saya ko.. andami ko natutunan kahapon.. Though marami ring eye-opening experiences.. i thing pretty much my character has been built to a higher extent.. I have been given a better horizon for my future because now.. I am determined to fight.. to never give up.. to laugh and cry with people who like me.. Live life to teh fullest and never think about what I don't have.. It is true.. i have been given so much, that's what people thonk if me.. and they, in turn, expect so much from me.. I must never falter.. i must never fall...

I have so many things to thank for... And yesterday.. I defined them all.. so many people can love you for who you are.. So many people are there to support you.. I don't believe sa sinasabi sa One Tree Hill na you just need one out of the 6 Billion people to define your happiness.. Happiness is to be shared (for me) kasi to all of the 6 Billion people around the world.. And it is not happiness that is defined by at least one person... It is our loneliness...

It is very easy to fall into depression.. It is very easy to give up the fight.. But it is never that easy to bring back the opportunities that one can lose for a single mistake.. My life is going pretty so-so... I am recovering from the heart ache that disoriented my mund thw whole term..

But I think it will never be too late.. God is with me.. And it is through Him where i can find real happiness... He is my rock right now.. And I am gradually but surely going back to Him... I am waiting for that someday when I can tell to the whole world about the perfect love story that I can possibly have.. i will wait for that time.. By then, everything will be perfect.. pero ngayon.. rest muna...

To the person who broke my heart: I am trying to stay in touch with you because I still want our friendship.. don't ever go away.. because if you really mean the 'I care' that you told me once.. you's never leave me.. ayt?

This is my latest challenge.. the challenge of happiness... I have always thought I was the Class Clown.. who never runs out of smile.. But I seemed like a pathetic mascot.. who hid his melancholic face under a silly costume.. Now I am ready to put on my real clothes.. take on the world.. and overcome the struggles i am experiencing to triumph in my challenge for happiness...:)

Is It Safe to Say It Was An Unforgettable Term?

I started pretty hapy about the term that will end.. I was looking forward to another 2nd term first year scenario when I pulled out a big surprise out of everyone.. Though the surprise was still there... It was of a different shade...

Dark...

Marami akong natutunan ngaung term.. because this term has been full of deception... Mahirap ikuwento isa-isa kasi baka may dumating pa... Though I am definitely not anticipating for them... basta.. I won't speak na lang hangga't I have gone passed these struggles...

Basta happy na rin ako sa heart ko.. Cos my heart is taking a rest... hahaha.. Kahit may fling fling jan sa tabi tabi.. kasi bakit ba ang mga bata ay mapaglaro.. Oh well.. Kaysa naman sa older na naman.. tsk tsk.. i hate them old people.. they hurt me so much..:) Basta.. I am enjoying my life.. panapanahon lang yan.. It's just my time to suck up all the struggles and shit life can bring us.. But I ain't gonna give up.. Ammah niggah!!! hahaha...

Paalala lang.. Ikaw.. OO ikaw.. hahaha.. di na kita mahal!!!! Sinaktan mo ako eh... Di pa ako ganun kastupid..:)

Someday...

I am hoping for that someday... When I can stand up and say to the whole world tha I couldn't care less about your existence ...but right now I am still torn between two of the hardest choices in life.. Continue a fight when I was the only one who keeps on fighting.. Or give up this feeling and forever be burdened by the decisions I have made in my life.. I know it was not fair on your part because there was no commitment involved between the two of us.. However, the things that you caused my life made me hope for something more.. a wish that I made.. that changed my life forever..

I know everything won't be the same again.. But I am hoping for the day that I can accept that I am gone in your life forever.. And you are as well in my life.. But I can't as of now stop telling myself that I need you here in my life.. Kahit little attention is already enough for a simple person like me... gradually, I can let go... Though it might take long...

Every time na nakikita kiang masaya... wala na lang ako magagawa... nagiging masaya na lang ako para sa yo kahit pilit kong pinipigil humikbi.. umiyak.. dahil aiokong magmukhang nagmamakaawa.. I hope you are reading this.. I know this might be shallow for you... Because the melody of your life has been already fixed.. fixed by your fate, your family, and yourself... While mine.. still frantic.. Audrey quoted once this line to me because she knows kung sino yung special someone ko... It's not actually a line but I guess a very striking statement...

"Loving ____ is like fighting with destiny..."

I wish you knew what my feelings were.. and how they transpired from admiration towards you who heped me forget all my past (even 3rd Term<--- ung crush ko dti na sinasabi ko sau pero di mo kilala) to a deeper emotional attachment... Eh di sana naiintindihan mo.. sana may reason para maging ganito.. Pagod na pagod na ako.. Pagod na akong maging masaya tuwing pumapatak ang mga ganitong panahon.. para sa iba..

Someday
Nina

Someday you're gonna realize
One day you'll see this though my eyes
By then I won't even be there
I'll be happy somewhere
Even if I cared
I know you don't really see my worth
You think you're the last guy on earth
Well I've got news for you
I know I'm not that strong
But it won't take long
Won't take long

Someday someone's gonna love me
The way I wanted you to need me
Someday someone's gonna take your place
One day
I'll forget about you
Someday someday

Right now I know you can tell
I'm down and I'm not doing well
But one day these tears they will all run dry
I won't have to cry, sweet goodbye

Just When I Thought Everything was Going Right

I had my two exams last tuesday and everything turned out ok.. Im gradually forgettin na mahal ko xa.. kahit nga ung fact na nag-eexist sya... But when I had my CeTherm and QuanMet Quiz 2.. My world spinned 360 degrees..

Make it 720..

I was accused of cheating by my professor in CeTherm.. It was unfair on my part because I did not cheat i swear. But he was closed minded about it that he gave me a 0 for that exam. Should I thank him ba that he did not send me to the DO? No. Because I was innocent. Telling everyone what happened would seem like being so explanatory about the ish. But I swear on anyone's life that I did not cheat. Nor did I had an intention to cheat.

I was so saddened by the incident that I went home feeling so depressed. I needed to recover fast, I knew it. But for my QuanMet exam which was 1 day from it, my perky attitude wasn't even enough to help me feel confident about it. I feel I got so low sa exam na un..

What's happening to me.. Bakit ganito.. Bakit?

Euan ko kung ano na ang gagawin ko.. Mag-aaral pa rin ako.. pero gusto ko na matapos ung term na to..:(