The Challenge of Happiness

Grabe I had my seminar with my fellow Metrobank scholars and IT WAS A BLAST... sayang indi ako nakapagdala ng cam to take photographs of the event... Marami na akong new found friends with dahil parepareho kami ng nasa isip.. ang mangulet at mangulet.. at mag-aral.. hahaha

Ang saya-saya ko.. andami ko natutunan kahapon.. Though marami ring eye-opening experiences.. i thing pretty much my character has been built to a higher extent.. I have been given a better horizon for my future because now.. I am determined to fight.. to never give up.. to laugh and cry with people who like me.. Live life to teh fullest and never think about what I don't have.. It is true.. i have been given so much, that's what people thonk if me.. and they, in turn, expect so much from me.. I must never falter.. i must never fall...

I have so many things to thank for... And yesterday.. I defined them all.. so many people can love you for who you are.. So many people are there to support you.. I don't believe sa sinasabi sa One Tree Hill na you just need one out of the 6 Billion people to define your happiness.. Happiness is to be shared (for me) kasi to all of the 6 Billion people around the world.. And it is not happiness that is defined by at least one person... It is our loneliness...

It is very easy to fall into depression.. It is very easy to give up the fight.. But it is never that easy to bring back the opportunities that one can lose for a single mistake.. My life is going pretty so-so... I am recovering from the heart ache that disoriented my mund thw whole term..

But I think it will never be too late.. God is with me.. And it is through Him where i can find real happiness... He is my rock right now.. And I am gradually but surely going back to Him... I am waiting for that someday when I can tell to the whole world about the perfect love story that I can possibly have.. i will wait for that time.. By then, everything will be perfect.. pero ngayon.. rest muna...

To the person who broke my heart: I am trying to stay in touch with you because I still want our friendship.. don't ever go away.. because if you really mean the 'I care' that you told me once.. you's never leave me.. ayt?

This is my latest challenge.. the challenge of happiness... I have always thought I was the Class Clown.. who never runs out of smile.. But I seemed like a pathetic mascot.. who hid his melancholic face under a silly costume.. Now I am ready to put on my real clothes.. take on the world.. and overcome the struggles i am experiencing to triumph in my challenge for happiness...:)

Is It Safe to Say It Was An Unforgettable Term?

I started pretty hapy about the term that will end.. I was looking forward to another 2nd term first year scenario when I pulled out a big surprise out of everyone.. Though the surprise was still there... It was of a different shade...

Dark...

Marami akong natutunan ngaung term.. because this term has been full of deception... Mahirap ikuwento isa-isa kasi baka may dumating pa... Though I am definitely not anticipating for them... basta.. I won't speak na lang hangga't I have gone passed these struggles...

Basta happy na rin ako sa heart ko.. Cos my heart is taking a rest... hahaha.. Kahit may fling fling jan sa tabi tabi.. kasi bakit ba ang mga bata ay mapaglaro.. Oh well.. Kaysa naman sa older na naman.. tsk tsk.. i hate them old people.. they hurt me so much..:) Basta.. I am enjoying my life.. panapanahon lang yan.. It's just my time to suck up all the struggles and shit life can bring us.. But I ain't gonna give up.. Ammah niggah!!! hahaha...

Paalala lang.. Ikaw.. OO ikaw.. hahaha.. di na kita mahal!!!! Sinaktan mo ako eh... Di pa ako ganun kastupid..:)

Someday...

I am hoping for that someday... When I can stand up and say to the whole world tha I couldn't care less about your existence ...but right now I am still torn between two of the hardest choices in life.. Continue a fight when I was the only one who keeps on fighting.. Or give up this feeling and forever be burdened by the decisions I have made in my life.. I know it was not fair on your part because there was no commitment involved between the two of us.. However, the things that you caused my life made me hope for something more.. a wish that I made.. that changed my life forever..

I know everything won't be the same again.. But I am hoping for the day that I can accept that I am gone in your life forever.. And you are as well in my life.. But I can't as of now stop telling myself that I need you here in my life.. Kahit little attention is already enough for a simple person like me... gradually, I can let go... Though it might take long...

Every time na nakikita kiang masaya... wala na lang ako magagawa... nagiging masaya na lang ako para sa yo kahit pilit kong pinipigil humikbi.. umiyak.. dahil aiokong magmukhang nagmamakaawa.. I hope you are reading this.. I know this might be shallow for you... Because the melody of your life has been already fixed.. fixed by your fate, your family, and yourself... While mine.. still frantic.. Audrey quoted once this line to me because she knows kung sino yung special someone ko... It's not actually a line but I guess a very striking statement...

"Loving ____ is like fighting with destiny..."

I wish you knew what my feelings were.. and how they transpired from admiration towards you who heped me forget all my past (even 3rd Term<--- ung crush ko dti na sinasabi ko sau pero di mo kilala) to a deeper emotional attachment... Eh di sana naiintindihan mo.. sana may reason para maging ganito.. Pagod na pagod na ako.. Pagod na akong maging masaya tuwing pumapatak ang mga ganitong panahon.. para sa iba..

Someday
Nina

Someday you're gonna realize
One day you'll see this though my eyes
By then I won't even be there
I'll be happy somewhere
Even if I cared
I know you don't really see my worth
You think you're the last guy on earth
Well I've got news for you
I know I'm not that strong
But it won't take long
Won't take long

Someday someone's gonna love me
The way I wanted you to need me
Someday someone's gonna take your place
One day
I'll forget about you
Someday someday

Right now I know you can tell
I'm down and I'm not doing well
But one day these tears they will all run dry
I won't have to cry, sweet goodbye

Just When I Thought Everything was Going Right

I had my two exams last tuesday and everything turned out ok.. Im gradually forgettin na mahal ko xa.. kahit nga ung fact na nag-eexist sya... But when I had my CeTherm and QuanMet Quiz 2.. My world spinned 360 degrees..

Make it 720..

I was accused of cheating by my professor in CeTherm.. It was unfair on my part because I did not cheat i swear. But he was closed minded about it that he gave me a 0 for that exam. Should I thank him ba that he did not send me to the DO? No. Because I was innocent. Telling everyone what happened would seem like being so explanatory about the ish. But I swear on anyone's life that I did not cheat. Nor did I had an intention to cheat.

I was so saddened by the incident that I went home feeling so depressed. I needed to recover fast, I knew it. But for my QuanMet exam which was 1 day from it, my perky attitude wasn't even enough to help me feel confident about it. I feel I got so low sa exam na un..

What's happening to me.. Bakit ganito.. Bakit?

Euan ko kung ano na ang gagawin ko.. Mag-aaral pa rin ako.. pero gusto ko na matapos ung term na to..:(

Ang Dami Nila. Ahaiii

Grabe 'tong week na toh.. hahaha!!! Basta lahat sila.. Naglabasan... and to think... Start pa lang to ha... Im so in to the scrap book thing na gagawin namin ng mga friendsters ko.. hahaha.. cool kaya.. ang saya saya.. kilig naman ako.. hay naku pag isa sa kanila.. basta...

Upper Lower or Middle Class?! Lahat na... ang saya saya.. hahaha Ok lang even if they are not mine.. (They daw tlga!! hehehe) Khit hanggang tingin lang.. I know the one for me would come along rin naman eh.. Enjoy muna ako.. :P duhba.. miserable ang nakaraan pero it doesn't mean forever na iyown.. ahahaha!

Ok ililista ko na ba? hehehe.. Conserve, bag, shades, fOot (bago ito), bRownie.. hahahaha...ang saya saya!!!! hay kailangan na namin maisakatupad ung scrap book para araw araw.. hmm anu nga ba araw araw...

Ay nga pala! Relatively ok lang naman yung exams ko kanina.. hay indi ako mag-eexpect muna... HussssHHH muna ako.. kasi the last time.. i was so pahiya sa classroom.. bwahahaha.. oh well.. this time silent ako.. Chos! ahahaha:) Indi.. totoo un.. tahimack muna me.. para walang expectations.. basta! alam ko kung anu ang hahabulin at kung paano habulin..

Aral muna ngaung college!!! Baka matalo niya ako.. ikaw un.. my past... Ahahahaha!!

Like Icarus.. Well, Almost.

I would never die because of a dream which ended up failing.

I sometimes consider myself ambitious when it comes to some things in life that I had wanted. Maybe it's just due to the fact that people are innately insatiable that i tend to want more than what I am supposed to have. I expected to much from people with regards to how they treat me or probably show their feelings towards me.. i guess I was just blinded by my heart.. the solemnity it has experience for the past four years that it has slept to be exact.

I was so confused lately. I don't know if i should give up this fight for the one who has stolen my hear unconsciously. Though it is deliberately going nowhere, I am still at the point where i don't want to wake up anymore from this seemingly sweet dream.. Though the light that flickers my only hope has long vanished in the dark.. I have been living my life as though I have been experiencing clarity.

Though I was actually living the biggest lie.

But what am I to do..? I guess I just have to accept that everything is gone.. I dreamt to fly like Icarus.. Not by myself but with someone else... I guess I had never been successful too just like Icarus.. But trust me.. I may never give up.. Because if i do, I'd be experiencing the exact same thing that happened to him.. Fall.. endlessly... until my heart again rests peacefully disturbed for eternity...

Night ya'll..:)

Out Of Reach: Everything

Ladies and Gentlemen, I Failed My ElecOne Quiz1. Galing diba? I got 48/100. Ang saya... masaya nga ba? hehehe:)

Anyways sabi naman nila normal lang raw sa isang student yung magfail sa isang quiz.. Somewhere along the road.. People fail.. haha.. Oh well, as inevitable as it may seem.. Nobdy wants to fail din naman ayt? But I technically did not fail kasi may 45-50 points naman akong reserved dahil sa recitation.. BUT STILL... Puhunan ko yun para maging indi naman stressful yung final exams ko.. Ngaun.. ubos na yung investment ko.. I have to invest again.. :))

Ok lang yun.. Il work double time na lang for ElecOne, QuanMet and other subjects para indi na maulit.. Nakainom ako knina konti pero ok pa naman ako..Sober lang.. haha! I don't care what other people are saying when they heard that i failed... I guess siguro it's their opinion na rin kung saan wala na rin akong jurisdiction.. I will care about people who care for me.. Dun sa mga tao who just keeps us hanging.. They don't deserve even a part of our precious time.. Ang paglilingkod man ay para sa lahat.. pero indi nito napupunan ang humongous void na sa pakikisama ng mga tao sa isa't isa... may isang taong palaging naglilingkod.. and others who just keep people hanging because they knEw that people who keeps on serving them cOULD not afford to lose them... tsk tsk...

People change.. I guess I am still a person.. This time.. IT'S ON! Midterms pa lang... I guess the journey has just begun (^_^) Late? not so.

Out of reach na nga ba lahat? Sya siguro.. pero yung iba.. Within reach pa naman.. Ill just heed the advice of Mr. Sapang (my ElecOne prof) that life's events are based on a 90-10 percentage. 10% are the the circumstances that are out of our hands while the other 90% is up to our will and determination to push for something better..

Natigil yung diet ko.. garr.. Now.. It's back.. I am back..